Microsoft just announced that it will be opening a brand-new store in U Village. Exciting!
What’s more exciting, however, is the prospect of another pop-singer performance, a la Miley Cyrus, to christen the new store. Here are our top five suggestions for artists.
5. Rebecca Black. With the smash hit song “Friday,” 14-year-old Rebecca Black raised the bar for how terrible a song can be and still be listened to by millions of people. Black therefore could inspire Microsoft to take products like the Zune, Windows Vista, and the Mira and make them even worse, thus eventually forcing people to buy them out of pure irony.
4. Ke$ha. Auto-Tune pop goblin Ke$ha burst onto the music scene last year like Windows did in the ’80s. And like many of the outdated initiatives and software Microsoft unveils or acquires, her 15 minutes of fame are almost up.
3. Justin Bieber. The Bieb’s bang-tacular haircut is one of the few patented inventions that Microsoft can’t sue someone for copyright infringement over. Getting him onstage in front of a few Kinect 3D scanners might give the company a sneaky window into his ‘do’s dark secrets.
2. Miley Cyrus. Considering that Cyrus drew thousands of screaming fans to Microsoft’s last big store opening, having her back for the U Village opening would likely induce similar results. And since Microsoft hasn’t got a crowd of teenagers excited since, well. . . since the last time Cyrus did anything near one of their stores, it seems like a no-brainer.
1. Billy Ray Cyrus. Speaking of the Cyrus family. Who cares about Miley? Bring on her dad! No song better captures the melancholy Steve Ballmer feels looking at an MSFT stock chart like “Achy Breaky Heart.”